I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you
[Chorus]
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin' as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it
[Chorus]
Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep on chasin' pavements
Should I just keep no chasin' pavements
Ohh oh
[Chorus x2]
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you
[Chorus]
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin' as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it
[Chorus]
Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep on chasin' pavements
Should I just keep no chasin' pavements
Ohh oh
[Chorus x2]
Hey guys, I know that I've haven't been posting daily, but I've just been struggling with a few decisions right now. As you know, I'm currently away at college and right now my health isn't doing really well. So the decision that I now face is whether or not I should withdraw from school. I'm afraid that if I withdraw that I'll never come back...and what kind of life is that. Plus even if I do return to school after my "semester off", I'll be behind of everyone else. And right now that sounds bad. But I guess most of my friends are older anyways. This was just the one thing that I've held onto that was a normal thing everyone does in my life. Maybe I'm just not meant to be "normal"..it's a shame.
Now reflecting on all of this, I suppose it's not bad to be different. When it comes down to it, it's just difficult to be different. This concept starts from an early age when kids single out other kids because they look different or because they act differently due to their upbringing to that point. Then it continues in middle school and high school by teens segregating people by their clothing, actions, and the decisions they make. Now in college, I was so excited that was all behind me. Quickly I found out that wasn't exactly true. Unfortunately in college the segregation is actually just racism, sigmas, and people's naivete. Who is to say this isn't just a small taste of how the real world is?
By people acting differently or not taking the "average" routes in life, you are looked down upon, even to the point of discrimination. It may be completely unfair as well most of the time because it's usually things that you can't simply change, as we once could in elementary school like our clothing.
Maybe not fitting in to the norms of society though could be a good thing. I'm just not sure that I'm "trail blazing" enough to create my own path quite yet. Up to this point, my life has been more or less the average route that I've become accustomed to, or that I was brought up to believe to follow. Even my brother followed this custom and he is much more radical than I am about defying society and the norms that have been put upon us by the government or whoever. This is not to say though that I have not had to do a small portion of trail blazing when it came to all the challenges that my medical situation has caused. Perhaps this is just me being scared of the fact that I've never had to do new trail blazing except for my medical problems and that I don't realize that trail blazing does not = medical issues. As hard as that concept may be to grasp, it's hard since my life right now is being force off route DUE to my medical problems. I kind of half wish that I just had someone else make this decision for me. That way if it turns out good, then everything worked out, but if it turns out bad, then I'd have someone else to blame. Looking back though, I decided to leave twice before, and I do not regret either of those decision. I mean, sure it was a little difficult coming back but, it was all worth it coming back for a healthy semester. By taking those two semesters off, I was able to get one good semester of being healthy. But I can't just keep taking off one whole year and then doing school for a semester.
Hmf. Now you see my predicament. The past 3 weeks have just been be going back and forth between leaving and sticking it out. I think the only reason I'm still even here is because I'm too scared to make the decision to go home because I'm not ready to face the consequences yet. I'm not ready to lose all my friends again. I feel like I've just gotten on my feet with relationships, friends, classes, what I want to do in the future. And now that's all just going to be ripped away from me. Really, when I look at things, I feel/know that I need to go home. I know that I'm just here because I'm scared of change and that this is a big life altering change. I can't let go of this one last thing in my life that my disease hasn't taken away from me yet. I'm trying to hold on to it, but I know some day soon I'm just going to be too tired to hold on any more and I'm just going to have to face it.
Now reflecting on all of this, I suppose it's not bad to be different. When it comes down to it, it's just difficult to be different. This concept starts from an early age when kids single out other kids because they look different or because they act differently due to their upbringing to that point. Then it continues in middle school and high school by teens segregating people by their clothing, actions, and the decisions they make. Now in college, I was so excited that was all behind me. Quickly I found out that wasn't exactly true. Unfortunately in college the segregation is actually just racism, sigmas, and people's naivete. Who is to say this isn't just a small taste of how the real world is?
By people acting differently or not taking the "average" routes in life, you are looked down upon, even to the point of discrimination. It may be completely unfair as well most of the time because it's usually things that you can't simply change, as we once could in elementary school like our clothing.
Maybe not fitting in to the norms of society though could be a good thing. I'm just not sure that I'm "trail blazing" enough to create my own path quite yet. Up to this point, my life has been more or less the average route that I've become accustomed to, or that I was brought up to believe to follow. Even my brother followed this custom and he is much more radical than I am about defying society and the norms that have been put upon us by the government or whoever. This is not to say though that I have not had to do a small portion of trail blazing when it came to all the challenges that my medical situation has caused. Perhaps this is just me being scared of the fact that I've never had to do new trail blazing except for my medical problems and that I don't realize that trail blazing does not = medical issues. As hard as that concept may be to grasp, it's hard since my life right now is being force off route DUE to my medical problems. I kind of half wish that I just had someone else make this decision for me. That way if it turns out good, then everything worked out, but if it turns out bad, then I'd have someone else to blame. Looking back though, I decided to leave twice before, and I do not regret either of those decision. I mean, sure it was a little difficult coming back but, it was all worth it coming back for a healthy semester. By taking those two semesters off, I was able to get one good semester of being healthy. But I can't just keep taking off one whole year and then doing school for a semester.
Hmf. Now you see my predicament. The past 3 weeks have just been be going back and forth between leaving and sticking it out. I think the only reason I'm still even here is because I'm too scared to make the decision to go home because I'm not ready to face the consequences yet. I'm not ready to lose all my friends again. I feel like I've just gotten on my feet with relationships, friends, classes, what I want to do in the future. And now that's all just going to be ripped away from me. Really, when I look at things, I feel/know that I need to go home. I know that I'm just here because I'm scared of change and that this is a big life altering change. I can't let go of this one last thing in my life that my disease hasn't taken away from me yet. I'm trying to hold on to it, but I know some day soon I'm just going to be too tired to hold on any more and I'm just going to have to face it.
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